fUNEREAL pRESENCE - tHE aRCHER tAKES aIMEver prepared a smoothie with banana in it? If so, I’m sure you will have noticed that no matter how little banana you include, the finished product will invariably taste of one thing only: fucking banana. It’s like that Jesus bollocks with his loaves and fishes; except this is a real phenomenon, not an old wives’ tale concocted to impede humans from living their lives to the full.

The Archer Takes Aim’ is like one of those ill-fated smoothie disasters that personified my mid-30s, except there is the repugnant taste of shit in my mouth rather than anything fruity (not that shit cannot be fruity…). Take one part drunken Urfaust, one part Negative Plane, one part Annihilator, one part Scorpions, one part The Smiths and one part steaming pile of dung; stick it in a blender and mix it all up. Pour.

Unsurprisingly, the steaming pile of dung has drowned out the rest of the constituent parts. Bananas really, when you think about it. Not that it would have mattered much as those other ingredients, bar Urfaust, are almost equally as offensive

The archer takes aim with a drooping cock and ends up shooting himself in the foot. This is dreadful, dreadful stuff. Music for metal-forum nerds and homosexual men in denial.

Evilometer: 000/666