I am the reviewer. I am a self-appointed member of the taste police. I believe myself to be an authority. My opinions supersede all others. I am consumed by self-importance and my ego dictates that I should dictate to others. I am driven by that ego. I am oblivious to the fact that taste can be neither accounted for nor explained.
I am the reviewer. Sometimes I get free stuff and suggest that it is better than it actually is, just so I can get more free stuff, you know. My loyalties are to myself, and myself alone. I lie when it suits me. I am deceitful.
I am the reviewer. I am condescending, omniscient. My opinions are gospel. I openly mock and deride those with different tastes than my own. I criticise those whose views I do not share. I castigate. I strut and posture and speak down from my pulpit. But ultimately I serve no purpose. Technology has castrated me.
I am the reviewer. My motives will forever be suspect. Do not listen to me. Ever.