Cauldron Black Ram – StalagmireEven though ‘Stalagmire’ isn’t necessarily bad all the way through, there is more than enough terribleness included to render the album something of an aural nightmare. Those twiddly Iron Maiden-y guitar parts in the opening gambit ‘Fork Through Pitch’, for example, make me want to get sick. I cannot understand why a co-called Black / Death Metal unit would want to (re)create retro passages like that.

At the end of the day (and I know this seems like a major contradiction), I cannot tolerate pure Heavy Metal or Thrash Metal (!), so when there is even the slightest leaning or nod towards these obsolete shitfests, I avert my ears.

While there is no doubt that Cauldron Black Ram have the capacity to conjure a proper, relevant, punch-packing album without the cheddar factor, for now, the Aussies are choosing not to do so for one reason or another. All things considered, this release sounds fairly ridiculous.

Evilometer: 000/666